I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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