help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
