next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"