Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.

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  (323): At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands. http://tfl.nu/8842
  Replies (13) Good night (1609) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed

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  (818): I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed http://tfl.nu/k0bk
  Replies (33) Good night (737) Bad night (3602)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..

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  (979): She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls.. http://tfl.nu/jxnm
  Replies (17) Good night (1225) Bad night (4081)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.

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  (216): In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case. http://tfl.nu/3se1
  Replies (18) Good night (5246) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

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  (213): I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on. http://tfl.nu/rma0
  Replies (21) Good night (6378) Bad night (1523)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.

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  (814): i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof. http://tfl.nu/24gw
  Replies (16) Good night (1180) Bad night (4898)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina

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  (405): just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv (1-405): we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina http://tfl.nu/dapc
  Replies (24) Good night (2502) Bad night (5441)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.

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  (917): I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing. http://tfl.nu/vu1b
  Replies (13) Good night (6899) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"

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  (760): I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND" http://tfl.nu/svwt
  Replies (4) Good night (1580) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".

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  (404): Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant". http://tfl.nu/1jgx
  Replies (9) Good night (1405) Bad night (2875)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"

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  (906): You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!" http://tfl.nu/38or
  Replies (10) Good night (2613) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.

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  (937): so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency. http://tfl.nu/1ixd
  Replies (3) Good night (2010) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?

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  (787): I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now? http://tfl.nu/uqqo
  Replies (8) Good night (819) Bad night (1562)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Beer acquired. Food is cooking

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio

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  (407): Beer acquired. Food is cooking (1-407): Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio http://tfl.nu/4aqs
  Replies (3) Good night (1237) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER

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  (215): And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER http://tfl.nu/p5xk
  Replies (2) Good night (972) Bad night (261)

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