I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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