I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were trust falling into bushes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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