Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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