Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
