Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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