90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
