I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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