glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
