My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
