I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
