Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
