Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize