They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
