so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
