party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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