4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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