apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Too much gin, very little bucket
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
