Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
