the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
