who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
