Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
