happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
