i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Randomize
