the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That's intense
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
