u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
