I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
