I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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