all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
