My balls are so social today.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.