Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls