Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
