Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
