well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
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Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
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My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?