Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
