You were right. It hurts to walk today.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
