were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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