EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
