so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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