i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize