he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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