What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
