i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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