ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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