there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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