My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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