you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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