I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Naked. naked and bneed help.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
