How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
