In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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