I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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