i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
