just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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