he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
