You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he fucked my hip out of place.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am available for nakedness
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
there is glitter all over my balls
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