READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
