Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Nicole vs. Life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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