Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
