I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
