The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
