Well apparently he's into motor boating.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this will be a night to untag.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
