This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
