I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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