he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
