I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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