I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
