Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
