I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
