It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
